I have so much to say
But the words won’t come out.
Stuck,
A lump in my throat
Screaming to be free
and nowhere to land
Choking the life from my soul,
With each swallowed syllable.
Each unsaid prayer
feelings kept inside.
“Why don’t you speak?” They ask.
But I did.
Over
And over
And over
And each time they said…
…my feelings were wrong
…my thoughts are bad.
…I was mistaken,
I simply didn’t understand.
So l learned to be silent.
Not trusting my words
Not speaking my mine
Because what did I know
Except what was in my heart,
And there was no data
For the ancestral wisdom passed down as the key to survival.
No one wanted to hear that.
They didn’t want to hear how the things they said
Cut me to the core.
They didn’t want to be bothered
With the inconvenience
Of my ideas…
thoughts…
needs….
So I stayed silent.
Choking on the words
Screaming to be freed
Until no air could reach
Blocked by the unshed tears
The repressed anger and hurt.
Eating away,
Decay in my voice
Where there used to be life.
The suffocation
Draining the essence
From my very being
All in the name of
Feminism.
My words…
…divisive….
…unfair….
…harmful….
Until the rage and grief consumed me
Carving a path through that lump
Finding a way through
Demanding to be heard.
How could they not see
The blood coating my words was from the knives
They placed
In my back
With their delicate voices
Maybe it was me
Maybe I was
Too loud
Too aggressive
Too hostile
In my approach
To survive
